


Lost without you

by Lovestory81



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Clarke's missing, F/M, Madi's gone, Minor Spacekru, Octavia saving Clarke, Octavia's healing, Oneshot, Parallel Dark Year, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Traitor who you love is adressed, sanctum - Freeform, season 6
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-20 20:32:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19384162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lovestory81/pseuds/Lovestory81
Summary: ONESHOTClarke's missing and Bellamy is worried sick.Octavia tries to restore the relationship with her brother. She's able to open her heart and because of what she's been through herself she may be able to help someone else...





	Lost without you

“Where's Clarke”

The relieve on his face was still there, but his eyes scanned the dining room.

Russel stood up “Mr Blake, have a seat.”

A deep frown formed on his forehead, this guy played on his nerves ever since he met him and he was being way to nice. With large and fast steps Bellamy walked up to him.

“I asked you something”

With his charismatic attitude he tried to stay calm and take his attention off Clarke, but he didn't know about their history...“And I invited you to our table Mr Blake. That doesn't happen every day and it would be polite if you took the invitation.”

Bellamy put his hands in his sides “Where the hell is she” he demanded.

But Russel blinked as if there was no need to worry, always with that mysterious, sneaky smile on his face. _Fuck. How can this man be so calm?_

The other's also didn't seem to care, their friendship with Clarke was still broken. Choosing Madi's life above everyone else's once and being on the wrong side of the war, ruined everything.

It worried Bellamy even more.

Russel cleared his throat. “Well obliviously she's not here. Clarke tried to start over, while you were gone Mr Blake...and she did. I think she'll be back before you know it. Now let's eat shall we? Relax and enjoy yourself!” he tried to calm him with his smooth talks but it didn't help. At all.

“You must be fucking kidding me! You don't even know her...Listen, she just lost her daughter and shouldn't be out there all by herself!”

"I'm sure Clarke can take care of herself, she's a grown woman." he laughed at him "Wasn't she by herself for six years? She'll survive..."

"I just told you, she lost her daughter. Tell me where she is, or at least help me find her."

With his light blue intriguing eyes he gestured him to shut up...and after a slight nod Russel sat down again. Shoulders back, nose up, as if he didn't even had this conversation. _He doesn't give a damn about Clarke._

“If something happened to her...” Bellamy stated and frowned, folding his arms.

Russel looked up, sipping his wine, smiling once again “Then what?” he paused and put the glass down, he leaned on the table with both hands

“Are you threatening me Mr Blake? You're our guests and I thought we could trust you, maybe even become friends at some point. But I might reconsider...” he looked around him, to his people and forced a smile again. Even now they were all so calm, it was scary.

Bellamy hissed “Tell me what happened to Madi.”

“You've already asked that and you know the answer. Look I get it, you're upset. But are you seriously suggesting we have something to do with her death?”

Russel stood up, he had a deep frown on his forehead “Don't make me feel like I'm the bad guy here. You're the ones who destroyed earth, you've killed so many people. I'm not having this conversation with a mass-murderer. You should be grateful that we welcome you in Sanctum, giving you a fair chance to make up for the past.”

Then he made eye contact with Octavia -who was waiting- and nodded.

Octavia walked up to her brother, they had a good talk in the woods while they were marching to the village. No forgiveness yet, but it was a very good start, even though it ended in a fight again.

“Walk with me”

Bellamy sighed but followed his sister.

“So where's Clarke?” she asked when they were standing in one of the corners of the room. Octavia knew her brother so well. Her hand reached out for his shoulder, but it was to early for that and she pulled back. They walked to the corner of the room.

He shrugged, acting like he didn't care half as much as he truly did.

“I don't trust them either...Look I know you're worried Bell and so am I. Now that Madi's gone...I mean I saw what it did to Abby.”

Bellamy's jaw clenched and his eyes were spitting fire “Can you not?!”

“Hey fear's a demon, slay your demons bro...” she smirked, obviously found some healing in the past few weeks that they were there.

 

And it was true, she looked better, way more like the old butterfly-chasing-Octavia...Then she looked around and pushed.

“Bell, what are you waiting for? Screw everyone else, let's just go and find her.” she suggested and thought no one would mind if they left.

His eyes told her he appreciated the help she offered, but then folded his arms and nodded to Russel “What about him? I've got this weird feeling O, that he has something to do with it.”

Octavia grabbed a piece of his coat and dragged him with her. “Let's go. Now Bellamy!”

 

Two guards were standing at the door. “We have to make sure no one goes in or out, the children of Gabriel are a serious threat to us.”

“We're going to look for Clarke.” she said to Simone, Russel's wife, who walked up to them.

But she immediately nodded to Russel, who stood up. _Oh shit._

Bellamy whispered “What did I tell you?”

“Let me” she offered raising a hand, little sister got big and she also learned that she was responsible for him too.

With all her charms and her beautiful eyes she tried to convince Russel that they had to leave.

“What's the problem sweetheart? You thought you weren't allowed to leave?”

His eyes were on Bellamy...

 _She's not your sweetheart, you bastard._ He just couldn't wait to leave and looked for his Space-kru.

 

“I'm going to look for Clarke.”

Muprhy shook his head. “Of course you are.”

Echo had this jealous look on her face, but kept her mouth shut. It was all about her, always. Somehow she was happy to be relieved from this burden, from this everlasting feeling that she would always be his second choice.

“Go find her” she encouraged her ex-boyfriend, Raven's eyes spit fire. They were all still against Clarke.

“Got something to say?” he asked with an angry look. But they kept quiet, it was really sad.

No one had the guts yet to tell them the truth, to tell them they should be ashamed of themselves.

But Bellamy's sister surprised him again. “You know what? You should all be ashamed of yourself! If it wasn't for Clarke we wouldn't even be here! She saved your asses and all you do is give her crap, tell her she's worthless...”

She turned to Murphy. “I still remember the bastard you were. The thing's you had to do to survive huh? Giving up Clarke, so you could be with the one you love, imagine what Clarke sacrificed for that?” she paused and looked at the others, then turned to Murphy again...

“You- you almost killed my brother, you hypocrite asshole. Always so full of yourself, but when things get tough, you step back and let the other's do your dirty jobs.”

Bellamy carefully grabbed her arm. “Okay you've made your point, that's enough.”

But Octavia pulled back hard “And what the hell is wrong with you?! You LOVE her, yet you can't even stand up for her right in front of them, your family! Damn it Bell, just let your heart speak!”

Oh she set him right on the spot there. But no one was very surprised, they all knew how he felt about Clarke....

Octavia wasn't done yet “And you, miss Mechanic. I thought I knew you back then, but boy have you changed.”

All she got back was this arrogant sarcastic smile.

“You once were so close to Clarke. And now? You don't seem to care one bit about her. She was like family to you, like a sister.”

Bellamy got restless. “O, we don't have time for this, we should leave.”

Octavia nodded to her brother but then turned back at the table once again “And you know what, now she's gone...doing God know's what! And you're all responsible for it!”

Murphy widely smiled, his whole attitude was sarcastic and on top of that he started to applaud. Emori kicked him underneath the table.

“Ouch” he said faking that he was hurt.

“Shut up John. Octavia's right. We've all done things and no one's any better then Clarke.”

This was the first time she said something about it and stood up for her. “I'll never forget what Clarke has done for us...When Praimfaya came, she gave me her helmet. THAT'S who she is.” Then she looked up to Bellamy and noticed the tears in his eyes “I'm so sorry for letting her down, go find her.”

 

Bellamy nodded and left with his sister. They took the motorcycles and off they went, into the woods.

Concerened, but proud to be out here with her brother she kept her focus on him and where he thought they should go...

… … …

 

Deep in the forest there was this old cabin, they found it after a long search, but it was quiet there...

In front of the door he raised his fist in slow motion, before knocking he took a deep breath.

Octavia frowned and sighed, she pushed him away from the door. “Hello?! Is anyone there?!”

But Bellamy got angry “Are you out of your mind!?” but when O even yelled Clarke's name it was enough.

“O!” he grabbed her and dragged her with him, away from the house. “Calm down!”

But Octavia was confused. “Let me go you idiot! You wanna find her or not?”

“Of course, but what if she is actually here?” he hissed “she might need a calmer approach. I've got this okay?” and he walked back to the door, O stayed behind and hid behind a tree.

 

With his fist up ready to knock, he suddenly froze while his hand automatically opened. Softly he let his hand rest against the rough door and leaned forward...He felt so tired and his head was heavy. For a moment he let it rest against the old wood, with his eyes closed tight, inhaling the scent of softwood to get a little calmer.

After a deep sigh he pronounced her name “Clarke?”

But no one answered.

His deep brown eyes inspected the door for a while, somehow he sensed she was there, she had to be. Filled with concerns he closed his eyes again. They've been looking everywhere and it would be dark within a few hours.

He looked back and nodded at his sister, didn't think about it but just stepped a few meters away from the door, ready to storm through it.

 

When he was in, he immediately froze again because he saw Clarke...Octavia quickly joined him...

 

There she was, on her knees in front of them, right there in the middle of the room.

Tears filled their eyes, because Clarke was holding a gun against her head, yelling at them:

“Go away! Don't come any closer!” tears ran down her cheeks the moment her eyes met Bellamy's.

Unsteady on his feet he tried to stay put, but it felt like his head was spinning, like he was about to faint.

 

“Clarke...don't do this. Please.” he softly pleaded, his heart ached for her.

Octavia understood how Clarke must feel right now. She carefully lay a hand on her brother's shoulder and took over.

She just walked past him.

 

“I said don't come any closer...I swear I'll pull the trigger!”

 

Bellamy started to cry “O, stop”

But his sister turned to look at him and reassured. “I've got this big brother.”

It was like his feet couldn't carry him anymore and he slowly sunk on his knees...Loosing Clarke again was an unbeareble thought. _I can't do this. I can't do this again._

Octavia was so calm, her eyes were full of concern and emotions, because she felt it. She knew how Clarke felt and through all these years she never forgot the one who felt like a sister and a friend at the same time.

“This isn't what you truly want Clarke.” She pointed out

“What would you know!? And why do you care anyway...I betrayed you, I left you outside the Bunker...If it was for me you wouldn't even be here.”

“Because I now know about the hard choices a leader has to make sometimes. I've been there and it destroyed me.”

Bellamy was impressed and started to feel embarrassed...Because he never asked his sister anything about the years in the Bunker.

 

“This isn't the first time and I should've done it already” Clarke sobbed, she was convinced that no one cared about her anymore.

Bellamy's heart ached to hear about her pain, she'd never said anything about those six years she was alone.

“I've been there...” Octavia repeated.

Clarke looked at him “You better leave...” every fiber inside her body was screaming fear and guilt...And still, there was this unconditional love hidden inside her that made her say this, that made her care so much and think about protecting him for seeing her like this.

Octavia carefully took a step closer while Clarke looked at Bellamy, but she was alert as hell.

“I warned you!” she started to panic.

Octavia truly cared for her “Clarke believe me you don't want to do this...You can't leave your mom like this...and us...We all care so much about you.”

“Liar! No one gives a damn about me anymore. I was dead to you-” she looked at Bellamy “And you moved on without me, with **your** family...After I pull this trigger, you just keep doing that.” it was harsh, but she also meant well.

“I'm glad you're happy, that's all I want...” she felt her heart sting.

Bellamy shook his head and cried with her “Do I look happy to you?" he sighed "Loosing you teared me down, it broke me Clarke...”

“You've said you don't need me anymore...”

“I was psychotic when I said that. My heart wanted to tell you the opposite.”

Clarke sobbed, her cheeks were all wet and her hand got heavy “You've got Echo, she loves you...” she added a sarcastic thought “And Mom? She cares so much about me that she tried to kill herself...”

 

After a deep sigh Octavia started to talk about the Dark Year for the first time, her eyes filled up with tears.

“Your mom and I are responsible for some horrible choices, we have to live with...You know all about those kind of choices, Wanheda. We're not so different, you and I.” she paused “Clarke I don't know what you've been through, but it must've been a rough road, all by yourself. We were all separated, while we needed each other so much.” She glanced at her brother...and lowered herself to Clarke's level.

“Clarke, I think it's better if you give me the gun.” her eyes went from her brother back to Clarke, softly adding “So we can talk”

More tears came “I'm done talking” Clarke cried and looked up to Bellamy.

“Do you even hear me? I AM DONE! I -” she sobbed “I lost everything!” she tried to swallow her grief

“even _you_ ”

 

The way she said those last few words, the tremble in her voice, the grief in her eyes, her deep sadness...It really pinched his throat.

Still on his knees, he slapped his hands before his face, realizing how lost she's been and is right now. It was like his breathing stopped, unable to find any words and his whole body felt so so heavy.

A few weeks ago he had almost killed her in psychotic state and couldn't get rid of those images ever since...old friends were now against her and her mom, to focused on bringing back Kane, couldn't even be there to support her. On top of all that, Madi tragically passed away. Clarke lost the only one who kept her going.

He lowered his head for a second and then looked at her “I'm sorry” he softly cried out “I am so so sorry that you've come to this...”

Octavia blurted out “Damn it Clarke, can't you see that he **loves** you?” she paused and saw how shocked Clarke was. The siblings didn't even see she already moved her finger off the trigger...

Calm but steady Octavia softly pleaded “Look, I know exactly how you feel...it takes time to heal, but you'll get there. Let us help you... Please give me the gun.”

And like a heavy weight she dropped her hand with the gun on the floor...

 

Bellamy rose back on his feet and slowly approached. Clarke's head was down, she started sobbing and shaking uncontrollably...when Octavia carefully took the gun away from her, Clarke buried her face inside her hands. It was over and the relieve was huge, the two siblings glanced at each other, nodding...

Bellamy knelt down beside his soulmate, reaching out, rubbing her back to let her know he was there for her.

“Hey...come here...” he invited, but Clarke didn't move.

“Clarke...”

Octavia took the gun with her and left the cabin to give them some space.

When the door closed behind his sister, he burst out it tears, realizing what just happened and what he would've found if they arrived later...

“I can't loose you again” he sobbed “you really have no idea how much I care about you, do you?”

Clarke didn't look up yet, but his words and cry deeply touched her. “I'm not part of your family...”

“What? Of course you are...You've always been part of that. Clarke look at me.”

“I didn't mention you because you're already part of **me**...and I'm sorry I never told you...I should have a long time ago...”

Now she started to move, she looked up and searched for his eyes, but she couldn't say anything when their eyes locked.

Bellamy wasn't done talking...

“I love you”

And before he knew it he had her back in his arms, where she belonged. Clarke slowly wrapped her arms around him, closing them tight.

She whispered “I love you too...I love you so much” she paused and buried her face in the hollow of his neck, whispering against his skin “I'm so glad you found me Bellamy.”

“We'll get through this. Together.”

 

“Together”

 


End file.
